Inspiration in a box.

I make it no secret that I have had weight struggles in the past. I often find it a challenge to eat healthy and try to keep off the weight that I've worked so very hard to take off since 2003. I tried to get a photo to post directly on my blog, but of course Writing.Com is a dork and won't let me save my own photos out of my portfolio and I'm too lazy to hunt down the backup disk.

Here's a photo of my at perhaps my heaviest:

http://www.writing.com/main/photos/id/1000594

At one point in my life, I weighed 197 pounds. For many, this might not be a lot, but for me it marked a time in my life when I was least happy with myself. I'm far from perfect, but I set high standards for myself. Sometimes, those standards are unrealistic.

Not long after that photo was taken, I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. I had to fill out that questionnaire that asks everything from whether or not you smoke to whether or not you've gained weight or whether or not you were depressed. The only of those that didn't apply to me at the time was the smoking. I had quit in 2001, so it kind of lead to the other things snowballing on me.

She told me that my blood pressure was OK, but with the history of heart disease in my family, I really needed to do something and fast. It was suggested that I try Atkins, and so I did. By May of 2004, I was down to 150 pounds. By June, I was pregnant with Ethan.

Skip ahead to 2005, after I'd had Ethan and started gaining weight again. I will admit it took me a while to admit that the weight was coming back - and fast. With the pregnancy, I had only gained baby weight. Once I'd delivered, I was back to 150 pounds. By the time I decided I needed to do something, I was back up to 167 pounds!

Enter Weight Watchers. I went to my first meeting, skeptical at best. There's no way I could track points, plan meals, and worst of all - exercise. But, I was desperate to find something that worked and my friend Richelle was doing it so that must mean something.

I went for a few weeks and stopped going due to frustration with myself. I was losing weight, but I was always so hungry! I didn't have time or energy to go to the meetings. I was working second shift and doing everything I could to just keep up with being a Mom and going to work. Forget about seeing Jason in all of that since he worked first shift. I got 4 days off after working 10 days in a row and by that 10th day all I wanted to do was sleep for a good, solid twelve hours.

In January, that job went away. I poked around the house for a couple of weeks, and decided to give Weight Watchers another try. I took to the plan like a Nazi, religiously writing everything down, tracking my points, measuring my portions. The weight slowly trickled off. I was frustrated by the slow loss, so I decided to do the dreaded and *gulp* exercise.

Around mid-March, I started training to run a 5K. Since I'm a goal-oriented type of person, I had to put a reason behind the running. My goal was to run the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure in May. I trained hard, slowly building my endurance and ability as time progressed. Along the way, I'd lose a pound and a half, gain a quarter pound, lose another pound, gain a half pound. It was slow and frustrating, but I stuck at it. I was determined to get down to 140 pounds if it killed me.

I continued to attend meetings and weigh in until about June. I got my 16-week hands and stopped attending meetings. It was late June and Jason and I decided to try and get pregnant. I felt that Weight Watchers and babymaking didn't go together, so I stopped the Weight Watchers.

June slowly faded away, and it was November before I was pregnant. In that time, I gained weight back to 150 pounds, but that was OK because I was doing it on purpose. I was convinced that that was my prime baby-producing weight. And I must've been right because, once I got to 150 pounds, I got pregnant. LOL.

I ate carefully through my pregnancy. Once I had Cameron, I stepped on the scale and my weight was still 150 pounds. I decided it was time to go back to Weight Watchers once I got to 155 pounds. I joined online and the pounds came off, again, slowly. I got down to 148 pounds around January.

Then, I ended up in the hospital for a week and on my butt for six weeks due to the endometriosis. My whole body was thrown for a loop because of the depo lupron treatments. I gained back up to 162 pounds. A few weeks ago, I started going to meetings again.

I always had one excuse or another to not go before then. I wanted one last week of eating whatever I want. This lasted for about a month. I wanted to wait until school got out to try to start because it's a huge change. So I went and signed up after work was done. Then I didn't go again for a bit because I didn't feel like going to the meeting or I didn't feel like facing the scale or I didn't feel good.

A few weeks later, I went back to the meetings again and found out I'd lost 2 pounds, even though I was only half-heartedly following the plan. The next week, I'd lost another 1/2 pound. I started to feel that if I was only half-heartedly doing it, what would happen if I put my all into it?

So, last week, I decided to make a menu. The hard part for me this time around isn't hunger or cravings. It's finding the time to sit down and write out my day of food. So, if I do it ahead of time, then I don't have to worry about how many points I ate or how many I have left.

I know what I'm having for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then I give myself five extra points for snacks throughout the day. That means I can have that extra handful of raspberries and that apple and, if I get really inventive, that no-sugar-added, light, raspberry ice cream shake, which I had tonight. And it was delicious. And guilt-free.

How many pounds did I lose with this new approach? Let's just say it was enough to keep me motivated to continue doing what I'm doing. It was bigger than a bread box, that's for sure. In sticks of butter, I lost 14. You do the math from that.

I may never get to 140 pounds. I may stop at 145, since that seemed to be the lowest weight I could get to and keep it off. But, this time around, I know I'm not going to beat myself up over "only a pound" and small gains. I know that that's going to happen at one time or another. And I've learned that I don't have to be perfect every week, as long as I'm healthy.

I still have to get back to running. I'm going for the Turkey Trot in November. I want to run it in 25 minutes or less!